


Crazy Times Aboard the Roaming Eye

by SpaceShaolin



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7786969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceShaolin/pseuds/SpaceShaolin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rookie soldier Ruby gets off on the wrong foot and is a little worried that she'll have trouble getting along with her new Ruby squad. But when one Ruby won't stop smiling, another Ruby won't stop yelling, a third Ruby won't stop talking about her eye, and their leader Ruby won't stop ordering them to act like a proper Ruby team - Ruby finds that she'll fit right in. With gems like these, who needs common sense?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Times Aboard the Roaming Eye

Ruby’s first official day as a soldier for the Diamond Army was quickly turning into a disaster. Not only had she been late for the newbies’ briefing, she’d also lost her way to her new assignment. And it wasn’t just the way to her new assignment she’d lost either – it was the way around entirely. She looked all around her, intimidated and fearful of how big the Ruby army compound really was. Here and there, lots of other Rubies were bustling about, all of them seemingly too busy to help Ruby find her way.

She’d almost opted to sit on the floor instead to take a time-out to figure things out – things usually got better when she did this – but one Ruby stopped dead in her tracks and was staring straight at Ruby. The Ruby adjusted her suspenders and grinned before marching purposefully over to her.

“So you’re the Ruby that’s been assigned to us?”

Ruby looked around, checking to see if any other Ruby was being addressed. “Um,” she said, after she saw that she was the only other Ruby in the area. “I think so?”

The other Ruby stared at her for a moment, before nodding her head. “Very good,” she said. “Pleased to meet you, Ruby. I’m Ruby, leader of your new Ruby squad.”

Ruby nodded. So this was supposed to be her leader, she thought, gazing at her in wonder. Although they were of the same height, she seemed to be larger than life, that it really was amazing how she was able to command so much respect so quickly. It must have been the visors, she decided. She’d only seen very few Rubies with shiny visors like hers, so it obviously must be a pretty big deal to be able to wear a pair.

The other Ruby coughed, apparently done basking in Ruby’s admiration. “So,” she said, flashing a grin. “Ready to meet your new squad, Ruby?”

Ruby drew herself up to her full height and saluted. “Yes, Ruby!” she said, loudly and clearly, like she’d been taught.

“Good, Ruby. Follow me!”

This was it, she thought. This was the moment.

Ruby sucked in a breath.

Squared herself.

Put her best foot forward.

And proceeded to fall right flat on her face.

Well, she thought sulkily, at least she knew she wasn’t going to call _that_ her best foot anymore after this. A chorus of laughter greeted her on her way up, and even though she was darker than most other Rubies, her complexion did little to hide her blush.

“Darn it, quit laughing already!” Her squad leader stood in front of her, waving her arms at the laughing Rubies.

What an amazing leader, Ruby thought. If she was already willing to stick up for her like this, then maybe she'd been wrong to be so scared in the first place.

“Silly Ruby,” said one of the laughing Rubies. “We’re not laughing _at_ you.”

“Well, stop laughing with me, then!”

“Not you, you stupid Ruby!” yelled another Ruby. “She’s talking about that other Ruby you brought with you!”

“Hey, who’re you calling stupid?”

“Hmph, and you call yourself our leader?” said the third Ruby, snarling and crossing her arms.

“Yeah, that’s what I said, stupid!”

“You calling _me_ stupid?”

“Now, now, Rubies, let’s all stop calling each other stupid.”

Their leader cleared her throat, already clearly at the end of her rope. “Rubies!” she said. Everyone immediately stopped bickering, visibly annoyed that she'd put a stop to their argument. Satisfied, their leader nodded at all of them and crossed her arms behind her back in the standard authoritative pose. “Rubies,” she announced, “this here’s Ruby. She’s new, so I expect everyone to get along with her, understand? And that includes _you,_ Ruby.”

One of the Rubies threw her arms to the air. “But I ain’t doing nothing!”

Their leader sighed and pinched her nose. “Not you, Ruby.” She threw another Ruby a pointed glance.

The Ruby in question grunted and looked away, rolling her eye. “Wasn’t _thinking_ of doing anything,” she muttered.

“Oh, wonderful!” Ruby clasped her hands together. “We have a new recruit! Welcome, Ruby!”

Ruby waved back.

Their leader nodded at this beautiful display of immediate camaraderie. She looked at Ruby. “Ruby, we’re your new squad from now on. Let’s hope for a good working relationship and all that stuff.” She extended a hand, grabbed Ruby’s other hand, and yanked her up from the floor. “And uh,” she said, wincing a little. “Try not to fall on your face next time, okay?”

One of the Rubies in line grabbed her ribs and guffawed.

Ruby nodded, smiling at her new squad. Then, she put out her new best foot to walk out to them…

… And fell flat on her face again.

Amidst the laughter, she heard one of the Rubies say out loud: “Ooh, you think it’s because her gem’s in her leg that she keeps falling around so much?”

“Then how come this Ruby can still see if her gem’s in her eye?”

“It’s just one eye!”

“Hey, stop fighting already, we’re supposed to make a good impression for our recruit!”

Ruby rolled over and started to dust herself before sitting up on the floor. In front of her, three of the Rubies had commenced rumbling again, while the fourth was standing off to the side, waving at her.

Ruby waved back. Getting to know her squad wasn't as scary as she'd originally thought. As long as they didn't expect her to  _fight_ or anything, then she figured she'd be just fine. The only thing left to do now, was figuring out which foot her best foot was. With only two feet to choose from anyway, she supposed that doing this much wasn't going to be  _too_  difficult.

* * *

Ruby’s first friend on the squad was the Ruby who’d first waved at her and smiled. It wasn’t difficult to get along with this Ruby, since she smiled all the time and never had a bad thing to say about the other Rubies. At least – that was what Ruby thought. This Ruby was such an easy smiler, that it wasn’t always easy to tell whether she was joking or not.

Currently, this Ruby was hovering around Ruby, smiling at her and giving her small, excited waves. Ruby wasn’t sure what she’d wanted, although she had a feeling that this Ruby was waiting for some sort of conversation to start.

“Um,” she said. The other Ruby was still smiling at her. “Hello. My name’s Ruby.”

She brightened up instantly. “My name’s Ruby too!” she said. “Nice to meet you, Ruby!”

Ruby smiled back at her – it was difficult not to.

“Ruby said we all have to get along with each other,” she explained. “Especially with you, since you’re new.”

Ruby nodded. Then, feeling that it was her turn to continue the conversation, she said, with some hesitation: “I like you, Ruby. I think you’re nice.”

The other Ruby giggled. “Aw, thanks, Ruby!” she said. “I like me because I think I’m nice too.”

Ruby smiled in relief. Well, at least that was one more thing they had in common.

“All the other Rubies here are nice too,” she continued to say. She glanced at her fingernails lightly and gave Ruby a small wink. “Nice to make fun of, that is!” She giggled at her joke.

Ruby laughed also, but swept her eyes from side to side to make sure no one else from the squad was listening in.

“No, but really, we’re all really nice on this ship. Even Ruby over there, even if she doesn’t look very friendly.” She pointed to the Ruby who sat in the farthest corner of the ship, her lone eye glistening harshly at something that was flashing on her work screens.

This didn’t seem to bother the other Ruby, however. “Just don’t stare at her too much and you’ll be fine!” she chirped. 

“Um… um, okay.”

The other Ruby took this as a sign to continue the conversation and plopped down beside Ruby. "You know, Ruby," she said, sighing wistfully. "It's  _so_ refreshing to meet another Ruby who doesn't like fighting like the others. Right?"

"But..." Ruby said. "But isn't that why we're all here? To fight?"

"Hm, not me. I'm just here, because I'd like to go off-world someday." She closed her eyes and smiled. "Going off-world sounds like a lot of fun."

Ruby was pleasantly surprised by this Ruby's carefree attitude. A Ruby who didn't like to fight - just like her! This was mostly unheard of, because all Rubies were _meant_ to fight, but if this Ruby was exactly like her, then Ruby wasn't going to focus on the negative things for now. 

The other Ruby must have sensed Ruby staring, because she opened her eyes again to fix her with a bemused look. "Why not? Fighting's fun sometimes, but it isn't nearly as fun as all the other nice things we could do."

"What nice things?" Ruby hadn't thought there was anything else that could possibly be more wonderful to a Ruby than rough-housing.

"You know... lots!"

"Huh." Ruby considered this. "Wow... I-I've never thought about it like that before." And it was true. She didn't think that, after springing out of her hole and being told to fight, her view on life would ever change. But here she was now, talking to another Ruby who believed in nicer things out there than hitting the other Rubies for fun. 

"Me neither!" the other Ruby said, breaking out into a wide smile. "This is so exciting, learning new things everyday, isn't it?"

Ruby nodded, full of excitement and joy, that she forgot herself and leaned over to sock the other Ruby clean in the jaw.

Ruby blinked at her, astonished that she would do such a thing after such a nice conversation. 

"Oh-oh my gosh!" She put her hands over her mouth, also as shocked as the other Ruby. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, honest!"

But Ruby's smile only got wider before she leaped up from the floor to retaliate. 

This was how their leader had found them, then: rolling around on the floor and joyfully raining punches down on each other. "Aw, hey!" she yelled at them, frustrated. "How are we supposed to be a unified working unit if you keep fighting like this?!" Seeing that neither of the Rubies were listening, she growled at them, before resolving the conflict the only way she knew how - by jumping in with them and trying to land more hits than both of them combined. 

It wasn't long before the fourth Ruby saw their mini-rumble and immediately ran over, offended that they hadn't given her a proper heads-up. "Hey, are you guys starting a fight without me again?!" 

And just mere seconds after she'd leaped into the frenzy, the fifth Ruby wandered in on all four of them still fighting. She swept a look over them all, snorted at how immature they were behaving, then dove into the little, angry, red fight cloud anyway to show them who was boss. 

* * *

“All right, Ruby, listen up! I’m here to teach you everything you need to know about combat!”

Ruby nodded. “Yes, Ruby!”

“Do you know your basic attack stance?”

“Yes, Ruby!” Immediately, Ruby fell into the basic stance that she’d seen the rest of the Rubies do.

The other Ruby nodded, satisfied. “Very good! Now, remember. The first rule of combat is to forget everything they taught you. A real fight is unpredictable! You never know what your opponent is thinking!”

Ruby nodded. “Unpredictable!”

“Your only real teacher in the battlefield is _experience,_ Ruby! So forget everything you’ve learned! Be like water!” Ruby kicked the air and struck a pose. “Hee-yah!”

“Got it! I must forget everything!” Ruby said, immediately dropping her stance.

This carelessness caught the other Ruby completely by surprise. “Well don’t forget your basic training, at least!” She growled. “Geez, Ruby, what _did_ they teach you anyway?”

Ruby scratched her head, confused. Training with the other Rubies wasn’t going to be easy. “Um,” she started.

“Ugh, never mind that,” said the other Ruby. She cracked her knuckles and grinned. “Time for the real training to start," she said. "Okay, Ruby, it’s time to show me what you got!”

“Show you?” She gulped.

The other Ruby nodded. “Sure!” she said. “I want you –” she pointed a finger at Ruby “– to hit me, as hard as you can.”

“W-what?”

“Yeah, you heard me! Did I stutter?” Then, she paused, suddenly looking thoughtful. “Wait a minute,” she said, “I didn’t… did I?”

It was at this moment that Ruby, so eager to impress this other Ruby, mustered all her strength and screwed her eyes shut, afraid to see her fist actually hit something. Before she knew what she was doing, she’d let her fist fly, feeling it land against what she knew for certain was the other Ruby’s face. She opened her eyes to find the other Ruby flat on the floor, groaning in utter shock and outrage.  

“Wh-what!” Ruby cried from the floor. “You hit me!” She cradled her bruised chin in wonder.

Ruby shrunk a little on the spot. “… Yes?”

“You hit me!” she said, now furiously indignant. “When I wasn’t looking!”

Ruby cowered. “I’m sorry!”

But Ruby was ecstatic. “You hit me in the face!” Her initial outrage had now disappeared from her face completely, and her feral scowl immediately gave way to a manic grin instead. Somehow, she'd managed to look even more terrifying than before.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

The other Ruby regained her composure and leapt up from the floor, trying hard not to look so injured. “Ha!” she said, releasing a deep belly laugh. “You call that a punch, Ruby?”

Ruby peeked out at her from between her fingers. “Huh?”

“I said, do you call that a punch? Because I call that…” she hesitated, looking confused for a minute. “Because I call that… not a punch!” She crossed her arms across her chest, looking triumphant, but had to turn around to wipe a few tears from her eyes.

“Um,” Ruby said, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“You hit me,” the other Ruby muttered again, in stark disbelief. “I can’t believe you hit me.”

Ruby tested her knuckle for a bit, feeling the sting. It was a good kind of sting, in a way. Slowly, she was beginning to find out just what she was really made for, and it felt… _good._

“Gotta hand it to you, Ruby, I didn’t think you had it in you,” the other Ruby said. She gave Ruby a sporty thumbs-up. “You want to make that punch of yours any stronger, though, you gotta remember this tip I’m gonna give you.”

Ruby smiled, perking up her ears. “Yes, Ruby!”

“You gotta remember,” Ruby said, “to find your motivation to fight.” She put her palms together in a somber pose. “All of us Rubies, we fight for something around here. You fight for something, don’t you?”

Ruby nodded.

“Good. And do you know what we must do with that motivation?”

Ruby shook her head.

Ruby looked up from her pose and suddenly flexed her huge arms. “We must _hit_ it!” she cried, kicking the air again. “ _Hit_ your motivation, Ruby! ‘Cause you don’t need that kind of distraction!”

Ruby clapped her hands, thoroughly impressed. “Wow,” she said. “You’re really good, Ruby!”

Ruby pumped her arms, pleased with her audience's reaction. “Okay, Ruby," she said. "I'm going to ask you to hit me again."

Ruby did a double-take. "What? Are you sure?"

"Yeah! But this time," Ruby crossed her arms in front of her and smirked at her. "This time, you're only going to hit me when I say so, okay? You gotta do it like I tell you, so I can show you proper self-defense." She paused, running the idea through her head again to make sure. She repeated herself another time, apparently deciding that the idea sounded better the more times she mentioned it. "Self-defense. Yeah! You gotta practice that every once in a while, right?"

"Um... I think I hear Ruby calling me so... so I have to go now, bye!" Ruby dashed away, not at all excited to stick around to see what would happen if the other Ruby was allowed to hit her back.

* * *

Ruby couldn’t help it – she was staring at the other Ruby beside her and wasn’t able to figure out a way to break the contact. She gasped a little under her breath, marveling at how bright this Ruby’s gem looked up-close.

But this seemed to have been the wrong reaction for the other Ruby, who’d heard the small gasp and whipped her head quickly towards Ruby. She snarled. “You talkin’ to me?”

Ruby immediately looked away. “No!”

“You...” Ruby leaned in closer, squinting her lone eye at her. “ _Lookin’_ at me?”

Ruby remembered the other Ruby’s warnings about this particular Ruby, and she instantly began to fear for her gem. “I’m sorry!”

But the other Ruby, as if suddenly feeling guilty at her reaction, backed away respectfully. She blinked at Ruby. “Well,” she said, “that’s alright. I guess.”

Ruby made herself more comfortable beside Ruby. Maybe she wasn’t as unfriendly as she’d originally thought she was. But now that they’d established some sort of rocky truce, she wasn’t exactly sure how to go on from there.

Good thing the other Ruby beat her to the punch. She leaned in closer to her again. “You’re not scared, are you?”

“Scared? Me?” Was she talking about her? About her new life as a soldier? About _everything?_ Ruby panicked. “… A little,” she admitted. Then, she gasped and shrunk automatically, afraid of how the other Ruby would react.

“Hmph.” The other Ruby snorted and leaned back again. She nodded, as if confirming something to herself. “At least you’re honest.”

Ruby gave her a hesitant smile.

The other Ruby relaxed and closed her eye. “I’ve seen things, you know,” she said suddenly. “Things you can’t even begin to imagine.”

“Oh.” Ruby felt sweat pool on her brow, unsure of how to respond. “Um.” She looked down and twiddled her fingers.

“You should have been there,” the other Ruby continued, probably forgetting that there was another Ruby in the room with her. “You think you know something, huh?”

Ruby squeaked. “Know?” she asked. “Know what? I don’t know what I’m supposed to know, really!”

Ruby opened her eye and blinked at her, confused by her panic. “That’s okay,” she said. “I don’t think I know anything too.”

“Oh.” Ruby breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s… good? I think?”

“I’ve still seen things,” Ruby repeated. "I don't question what I see with my own _eye._ This eye... it don't lie." She snorted and crossed her arms, silently daring Ruby to contradict her. 

But she shook her head. “I don’t doubt that, Ruby,” she said. She perked up and smiled at her. “Maybe I’ll see those things too, then I’ll know!”

Ruby gave her a contemplating look and narrowed her eye. “You will,” she said, an ominous shade underlining her words.

Ruby shuddered. “Um,” she said again, unsure if she’d said the right thing.

It probably was, as the other Ruby leaned back and relaxed in her seat again. “But you’ll be okay,” she said. “Us Rubies, we don’t give up easily.”

"Yeah, that's for sure!" Ruby said, thinking that agreeing with this Ruby was probably the best thing to do at the moment. 

"You're new right now, but you'll learn."

Ruby smiled at her again, although it was impossible to hide the fear in her eyes. Even so, she was, at least, grateful that this conversation with this Ruby hadn't devolved into another useless fight.

"I've  _seen_ things," the other Ruby said again. "Things even worse than your worst nightmares. Do you get _nightmares,_ Ruby? I get  _flashbacks._ And trust me, they ain't pretty." She looked down and clenched her fist. "I know. 'Cause I can  _see_ 'em."

"Still better than fighting," Ruby said to convince herself. She had to stay strong, especially in front of this Ruby. She didn't think she'd want to get caught looking scared in front of her. And besides, if she let this Ruby talk long enough, then maybe she'd forget about the other Rubies in the room with her.

_"You talkin' to me, Ruby?!"_

"Eep!"

* * *

“You’re a strange Ruby, you know that?”

Ruby whirled around and came face-to-face with her leader. “What?” she said. “Huh? What? What do you mean?”

She narrowed her eyes at her through her visor, rubbing her chin. “I mean you don’t like fighting at all! Even Ruby there can throw a good punch when she wants to.”

Ruby looked towards the direction she’d pointed at, just in time to see one of their Rubies deck another Ruby who’d been too busy flexing her arms to notice. This Ruby fell to the floor and moaned loudly, rubbing her injured nose. The other Ruby caught the other two watching and immediately smiled at them, raising her fingers to strike a pose.

Ruby looked back at her leader. “But I hit her too!” She pointed to her chin to show her where. “Right here.”

Her leader hesitated. “Oh, you did?” she said, but sounded more annoyed than impressed. “That Ruby. She’s always getting hit in the face these days. But I guess that’s what you get when you work on your muscles more than your brains, huh?”

Ruby looked away nervously. She really wished the others quit putting her on the spot like this. “I… I’m not sure?”

“Never mind her,” her leader said. “I was more worried about you, since we’re going out on a mission soon.”

It was here, then, that Ruby learned the value of the M-word and how it worked like magic among her squad mates. Like a hidden key to a locked door, the M-word had opened up a variety of emotions in the Rubies who’d heard it.

There was excitement. “Mission?” The burly, fallen Ruby rose up from the ground so quickly, that Ruby wondered if the M-word possessed healing powers as well. “Did I hear you say… _mission?_ ” She trotted over to the pair, injured nose already forgotten.

There was also curiosity. “A mission? How exciting!” Ruby skipped her way to them, the smile never really having left her face after her small victory.

Another emotion unlocked was indifference. Or boredom – Ruby wasn’t sure. But at the sound of the M-word and at the sight of the rest of the squad gathering up, the last Ruby walked towards them, already looking irritated.

And finally, Ruby discovered that it had awoken a real kind of fear in her. “M-mission?” she said.

Seeing the entire squad lined up so conveniently in front of her, their leader immediately scrambled to get up on a fallen pile of rocks, to make sure they could all see her. “Rubies, listen up!” she said. “You heard me right. It’s my duty to inform all of you, that we’ve been assigned on a top-secret, highly-confidential, _super-classified..._ " She paused, savoring the feel of the word in her mind before letting it out in the open. "... _mission._ ”

“A mission?” Ruby paled.

“A mission!” Ruby clapped her hands.

“A mission, yeah!” Ruby pummeled the Ruby beside her.

Ruby hissed at the other Ruby, rubbing her sore shoulder.

“That’s right!” their leader said, nodding her head. “As you all know, there was an Earth mission not too long ago, and the Diamonds still haven’t gotten any word back from any of the gems assigned there.”

She allowed her team a moment to gasp loudly in shock.

“We have reason to believe that the mission may have been _compromised!_ And this is where we come in, Rubies: we’re to go there to Earth and retrieve all the gems involved in that mission.” She looked on at her troops with a severe gaze. “One of those gems, as you all know, is Jasper. And because this is an order straight from the Diamonds themselves, I’m sure you all know how big-time this mission is.”

She allowed them another moment to make more gasping noises of admiration.

“Jasper,” Ruby muttered, getting that strange, faraway look in her eye again.

“Jasper, yeah!” Ruby nearly pummeled the Ruby beside her again, but thought better of it and pounded her fists together instead.

“Jasper!” Ruby beamed.

“Who?” Ruby looked around at her squad mates, hoping someone would give her answers.

“This is it, Rubies! This is what we’ve been waiting for. We’re going off-world!”

The rest of the Rubies cheered, stopping only when their leader began to look solemn.

“Now, we may meet some opposition,” she said. “The Crystal Gems might still be active down there – and they’ll definitely try to fight us. But we’ll be prepared, won’t we?”

“Yeah!” Ruby raised her arms.

Ruby sighed wistfully. “Earth sounds like such a pretty planet.”

Beside her, Ruby snorted and glared at her. “Everything sounds pretty to you.”

“Rubies, this mission’ll be dangerous. We could get shattered out there!”

“Sh-shattered!” Ruby squeaked, already beginning to panic.

“But don’t worry, we’ve all been assigned together for a reason. All four of us, we’re the best of the best! A cut above the rest! We’re an elite squad of Rubies – just like everyone else!”

“Yeah!” Ruby cracked her knuckles and smirked. “A dangerous mission’s my favorite type of mission!”

Ruby grabbed her head and moaned. “Ooh, that’s my _least_ favorite type of mission.”

“Square up, Ruby! This’ll be good experience for ya!” Ruby thumped her on the back.

Their leader gazed at her, then snapped her fingers after a while. “Okay, Ruby, I’ve figured it out. When you run into trouble out there, just scream and we’ll come get you.”

Ruby could hardly believe her ears. “What? Are you sure?”

“What a lovely idea!” The friendly Ruby smiled, then looked at Ruby. “Of course we’re sure! Us Rubies have to stick together, right?”

“Yeah!” The big Ruby raised her fists and roared. “You’re still a part of this team, right? We’re Ruby soldiers, we don’t leave a Ruby behind!”

Beside her, the formerly-scary Ruby nodded.

Their leader wiped a few tears from her eyes, the emotion of the scene hitting her at once. “Okay, Rubies, that’s enough.” She sniffed, suddenly remembering that she was supposed to be in charge of the others. She gathered her wits and tried to look authoritative again. "We could be deployed at any time, so we have to get ourselves prepared for the mission. Let's go, Rubies! To the ship!" 

Everyone cheered again and marched off in the direction their leader had pointed them to. 

Everyone, that is, except Ruby.

"Hey, Ruby! About face! You're going the wrong way!"

"Yeah, the ship's this way!"

"Ooh, is it?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"... Where is it? Wasn't it you who parked it this time?"

"Oh Ruby, it wasn't me who parked it, it was her!"

"What are you talking about?! It wasn't me, it was her!"

"I remember specifically assigning  _you_ to park it this time, Ruby."

"Wait... where were we going again?"

**Author's Note:**

> so many ruBIES


End file.
